Chicken Soup for the Beer Drinker

**Shoe** · July 19th, 2005, 09:57 PM

Chicken Soup for the Beer Drinker:

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workersin the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
--by Jack Handy

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--Frank Sinatra

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
--William Butler Yeats

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
--Ernest Hemingway

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemingway

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
--Catherine Zandonella

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
--Anonymous

Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity
that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls.
-- Ross Levy

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
--W.C. Fields

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
--Tee Mans

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
-- Michelle Mastrolacasa

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
--Tom Waits

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
--Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
-- Brian O'Rourke

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
--Frank Zappa

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
--Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart

Why is American beer served cold? So you can distinguish it from urine.
--David Moulton

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Wilhelm

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
--Dave Barry
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's
just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
--Homer Simpson

You know you're drunk when you fall off the floor. And God said, "Let there be vodka!" And He saw that it was good.Then God said, "Let there be light!" And then He said, "Whoa - too much light."You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
--Dean Martin

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862!

Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.

To some its a six-pack, to me it's a support Group

Scotch - Because one doesn't solve the world's problems over white wine.

**imported_MoonlightGraham** · July 19th, 2005, 10:39 PM

just when i think this forum can't go down the toliet any more you go and do something like this and TOTALLY REDEAM YOURSELF!!

"They say some of my stars drink whiskey. But I have found that the ones who drink milkshakes don't win many ballgames."

-Casey Stengel

Imagine partyin with Noah...you guys know how he ends up the next morning,

**Shoe** · July 19th, 2005, 10:43 PM

Well I'm glad somebody likes it! lol [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

**DawgFan3** · July 19th, 2005, 11:50 PM

I really enjoyed this post..Even though Im not of legal age....but hey....at least I have some excuses now! [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

**Tndevil** · July 20th, 2005, 02:01 PM

One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the "Buffalo Theory" to his buddy Norm: "Well ya see, Norm, its like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! Thats why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

**R0cketer** · July 20th, 2005, 03:34 PM

*sniff* That was beautiful

**imported_kydawg95** · July 20th, 2005, 03:51 PM

That's the best one yet IMO!

**Shoe** · July 20th, 2005, 05:05 PM

BUDWEISER

Because
U
Deserve
What
Every
Indivual
Should
Ever
Recieve

**one1one** · July 20th, 2005, 05:40 PM

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
--William Butler Yeats

[/ QUOTE ]

thats my favorite